25. The Difference Between Being Busy and Being Brave

We wear "busy" like a badge of honour. But what if all that doing is actually keeping us from the things that would move our business forward?

In this episode of Wildly Intentional, Flick and Verity explore the difference between being busy and being brave, asking one simple but powerful question:

What if the thing that's keeping you stuck isn't a lack of time... it's a lack of bravery?

Together, they unpack how business owners can easily mistake activity for progress, filling their days with tasks that feel productive while avoiding the actions that require vulnerability, courage and a willingness to be seen.

Flick shares her perspective on marketing courage, visibility and content creation, exploring why showing up online can feel so uncomfortable and how often we hide behind "being busy" instead of taking the actions that truly grow our businesses.

From her trauma-informed coaching background, Verity brings a different lens to the conversation, exploring the role of behaviour, avoidance and self-awareness. She explains why our nervous systems are wired to keep us safe, and how what looks like procrastination or perfectionism can often be a protective response rather than a productivity problem.

As always, it's not all deep conversations. The ladies also catch up on Verity's latest camping adventures (yes, the saga continues!) while Flick shares a rather different weekend pursuit... archery. Because apparently stepping outside your comfort zone isn't just reserved for business.

This episode will challenge you to think differently about where your time is really going—and whether the next breakthrough in your business might require less busyness and a little more bravery.

 Subscribe to Wildly Intentional for weekly bold conversations on business growth, mindset and building a business that actually works for you. 

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Don't forget to join us in our Facebook Group to continue the conversation and let us know your thoughts on this episode and if you have ever felt the same as we do here.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome to Wild the Intentional, a podcast for business owners who refuse to play small.

SPEAKER_02 0:05

This is where we have bold talk, honest conversations, and dig into what it really takes to create big breakthroughs in business and life.

SPEAKER_03 0:12

We're Flick and Verity, two business owners who've built, broken, rebuilt, and grown businesses in our own ways.

SPEAKER_02 0:19

And we're here to share the lessons, the mindset shifts, and the unapologetic decisions that helped us to level up.

SPEAKER_03 0:26

So if you're ambitious, grow focused, and ready to do business on your own terms. Thank you in the right place. Let's get wildly intentional.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Hello and welcome. You alright?

SPEAKER_03 0:41

Oh no. I was like, oh, have you gone? Have you are you still there? I am having internet issues today. Um, so this is gonna be fun because it's my internet that we record these podcasts on.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Um now I'm talking to myself.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

She's turned her camera off. I can't see her anymore, so now I can just see me. That's not good.

SPEAKER_03 1:08

Are you there? That's gonna be interesting because I was talking at the same time and I've just come back and you were talking as though you were talking to yourself. I'm like, I do nothing coming through this side. Can you hear me?

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Yeah, I can hear you now. I didn't hear you talking before when I was talking.

SPEAKER_03 1:27

We'll find out in the recording as to who's an interesting one, folks.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

You'll get a one-sided conversation.

SPEAKER_03 1:35

We're just not sure whose side it will be.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

Yeah, it could be either.

SPEAKER_03 1:42

Oh, it could be it could be wild. It's wildly intentional. So, you know.

unknown 1:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Anyway, how are you? You alright?

SPEAKER_03 1:50

Well, apart from the fact that I've loved on this morning, and apparently my internet's gonna stop the minute I want to record a podcast. That's frustrating. Um, I've had I had a lovely weekend. I was doing archery all weekend. So I yeah. So Saturday I was um out in the middle of the field uh with um serving personnel who are all in some kind of rehabilitation, whether it's uh physical rehabilitation um after injury, um, or it could be um sort of mental health support for PTSD, things like that. Um, and it was their family's day, so they were bringing their families along, um, along with some of the staff that work at the centre, um, because we do archery to help rehabilitate um veterans. Um so it's a really good thing. So they had a family's day, so we were teaching um people of all ages, all abilities, um, with some little um we call them jelly bows. Um they've got like little sucker sets on, um, but teaching them properly, you know, same principle, not just going, you know, here's a bow, here's here's some suckers, there's a target. Um, so that their families could really understand actually how we teach archery and how we can adapt it to um different forms of disabilities and abilities. Um that was really good fun. We taught a couple of people on stilts as well, that was really interesting. Um because they were suddenly like 10 feet. Yeah, they were 10 feet tall. Well, it was a family's day, so you've got different people um showcasing different things, so you've got some cadets there doing different games and activities, and you've got some people um on stilts and a singer and a band, and you know, it was a lovely day out. And then yesterday I took my scouts to uh Lincolnshire's Target tournament, um, which is archery and tomahawk throwing, so axes, um, for people who might not know what a tomahawk is, and um yeah, and one of the the scouts uh was unable to go, so there was a space opened up, so I took my bow and it was yeah, I got a medal. So nice in my category. It was it was a lovely archery weekend because that's what I love to do.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

I gotta tell you, my daughter is so like you. She's um I'm really grateful, right? Because she's talking about how many clubs she wants to join. She's suddenly into lots of clubs. Um, and a while ago she went through a phase where she was adamant that she wanted to go axe throwing. Um my daughter is not somebody that should ever have an axe in her hand. No, she's not. She is because she's a mini me. Yeah, no, she's not. She she she's yeah, no, I would feel like my life is at risk if Molly had an axe in her hand. I can upset Molly very, very easily. So that's not a good idea. However, now, and she has been saying this for a while to be fair. She's like, I want to join archery. Oh, who do you remind me of?

SPEAKER_04 5:00

Really?

SPEAKER_01 5:02

So now I've got to find her an archery club, but I'm not sure she'd be any safer than an arrow in her hand either. But you know, I I kind of got to get into one of them. So I'm thinking the arrow is preferable to the axe.

SPEAKER_03 5:11

Yeah, particularly if you get like a recurved bow, because it takes some time to set that up. So you've got you've got time to, you know, confiscate some certain point while she's setting it up if she just do it in anger. Not that I'm advocating for that on this podcast at all.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

Um yeah, well, I think I'll let you know. There you go, that's the next saga. I'll let you know how she gets on with that.

SPEAKER_03 5:31

Well, you know, that's you know that's how I got into archery, right? Because I could uh I did a a school have a don't go session when I was about eight years old, eight, nine years old. Came home to mum, Mum. I really want to do archery. She's like, no, no, no, like every other hobby that I've invested in, you'll give it up. Because you know, ADHD, right? Yeah. Um so I had lots of different hobbies, and archery was the one that she put her foot down and said, absolutely not, no. So a few years later, I went to another residential where I did archery, came home. I was about 12 at this time, and I was like, Mum, please can I do archery? Please, I won't give it up. I promise, I promise, I promise. And she was like, No, nope, no. So I got to the age of 23 and I went, Well, you know what, I've got grown-up money now, and I've I've got my own money, and I can pay for my own archery stuff. That's what I did. I joined an archery club, and now my mum sits there and goes, Yeah, it's the one hobby that I said no to, is the one hobby that she continues to do.

SPEAKER_01 6:27

Yeah, see, and I've got your mum in my ear all the time because you know, you've told me that story a few times, and I'm like, I don't want to do it, I don't want to shut her down, I don't, even though you know this is about the eighth different club we've tried. Um, she's stuck at swimming though. She has stuck at swimming to be fair. She wants to go back again in September, so you know, there is hope. But she she got into it literally through when we went to um the festival a few months ago, you know, that started off the tenth saga. Um she literally wanted, I mean, she'd mentioned it a few times before this, but there was like a plastic bow and arrow thing, and she did not stop playing with it all weekend. She fried my brain because she kept aiming it in my head. So, yeah, I mean she did it to wind me up, but you know, but she just hasn't shut up about it. And I'm like, okay, well, let her join. And you know, in anticipation that she will forget it after a couple of weeks, but she might not, she might just be like sick. She is like you in a lot of ways, you know. She might, she might it might get some of her aggression out.

unknown 7:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:33

Well, that's the thing about that. I do actually use it for for mindfulness for for that kind of meditation because I I can't um relax. But actually, when I'm on a shooting line, everything else switches off, everything else just my brain silences. Yeah, it might be, but I mean I'd also caveat because it is an expensive hobby. I I will uh you know accost my mom and sort of say to her and say, you know, yeah, I can completely understand it. But she can join a beginner's course type thing and a club and use club kit before you have to buy her own kit.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

She will. I will not be buying her anything until I know she's fully invested.

SPEAKER_03 8:13

Yeah, yeah, that's that's the thing, is that that I think my mum thought she had to buy the bow and the arrows and everything when you first started, and actually, you know, there's quite a few clubs that have club kit for doing beginner session, they don't expect you to turn up with your own kit. Um so yeah, there's that. And obviously, you know, you can not that I'm I'm thinking of child labour, but you know, her pocket money can go towards it.

SPEAKER_01 8:37

Oh my god, if you met my child, my child has the biggest savings account on the planet, right? She is loaded, absolutely minted. And the reason for that is because I get, oh, I forgot my card, mum. Could you just pay for it and I'll just transfer it back later? She doesn't even know how to transfer. Mum, do you think you could pay for this and I'll pay you back when I get my pocket money next time? She's loaded because she deliberately does not pay for anything. She's very savvy, my 11-year-old. So, no, she will not, there'll be no bribery there because her saving money goes to things that she wants to buy in the future. Like she just bought herself a scooter, you know, because I refuse. That's a Christmas or birthday present, and she's like, I'll buy it myself then. All right, you go do that. I paid for this scooter 50 times over, let me tell you. Yeah, no, she will not be paying for her own money, there is no way. I could try, it won't happen.

SPEAKER_03 9:36

I mean, I was trying there for you. I was trying.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

I know. Now Isabella's the complete opposite, but she can't save a Toffee, she can't save a penny. But yeah, Molly is just like she's very protective over her money, she's very good with it, but she's not very protective over mine.

SPEAKER_00 9:57

So yeah, there you go.

SPEAKER_03 9:59

So come on, you know, that you've mentioned the the festival where the the archery was, and it you you hinted to the the fact that there was a a tent update before you record. Come on.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

There is a there's a small tent update in the so I'm now like totally not getting the VW camper because it's not actually a camper van. Um so that's no good to me at all. Um so Paul and I had a conversation on the weekend because I was like, babe, it's like July. We really need to make a decision on this, because if we're gonna do it, then you know it's July. And my husband has now finished his PGCE, so he's got eight weeks off for the summer. Babe, if you listen, I'm so proud of you, you've done amazing. Um very well done, Paul. Yeah, yes, he's like you know the stress we've been through over the last like five years to get him to this point and stuff that's been going on in our family and stuff, and he's done so well. And the last year, if by the way, if anybody's ever thinking of going into teaching, oh wow, your PGC is so hard. I've never seen him so stressed in my life. It has been a really hard year, but he's he's smashed it, he's passed it, he's got a job, he's starting in September, and it's amazing. Um, but he's got eight weeks off for the holiday, which you know, I'm not jealous of uh of at all. I really, really picked the wrong year to go and get a job. Um, but yeah, he's he's got the summer off. So I was like, but we've got a lot of plans in the summer. We have got lots of things that we're doing. We're going away, we've got weekends away, we're going to Prague, we've got centre parks for a week. So there's a lot going on. So I said, you know, we need to decide whether we're going to get this tent or not. So we decided to get the girls downstairs yesterday and have a conversation with them and ask them, you know, are they really invested in this idea? Because we're not going to shut out all this money if we're not going to use it. So Molly, who I told you before the call is like all about spending time with us right now, which is lush. Um, she's like, Yes, yes, yes, I'll go camping anytime. She's never been camping in her life. She could hate this. Um, Isabella. She's my she's my kindred spirit. She's she's in love. She will, she'll be fine. Isabella, I'm not going camping. And I'm like, what do you mean you're not going camping? I'm not going to camping. I'm not. I'm not going camping. Why? Just don't want to. Why? I don't want to. Why? I don't like camping. You've never been camping. I don't want to go camping. So I'm like, what if we go to France camping? I'm not going. Why? I'm not going camping. I was like, Bella, you're 13. If we're going camping, you come in camping. I'm not, you'd have to drag me out, I'm not going. So she has flat refused to embrace this camping idea, even though it was her idea in the first place. You know, she's the reason that we upgraded the ridiculously expensive tickets for next year's festival, just so we could have a plug for a hairdryer. Because God forbid she doesn't look her best at a festival. Yeah, she needs to get a grip.

SPEAKER_03 12:52

Um, you know, she No, I mean the fact that she's 13, of course, like how she looks and how she's dressed and all of the Instagram selfies and things like that are important to her now.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

And as I said, she needs to get a grip. I knew what you meant. I was answering. I get it, I do get it. But come on, it's like fun. You've got to have adventure. She's not living her life. So, anyway, so they went upstairs again, and we were like, right, what do we do now? So, anyway, we've decided that we are gonna go ahead because we want to go camping and we will just make her come at least once and hope for the best that she likes it. Um, I don't know how she's gonna cope with this festival for four nights if she's never even tried camping. Um, so we're gonna drag her out, but we have decided that we're gonna be very sensible and that we've got so many plans this summer that we're probably not gonna get the most out of it. So we are now gonna go and buy the tent out of season and then we're gonna start camping in spring next year. There you go. So I am going ahead. We are going ahead, we're gonna do it.

SPEAKER_03 13:54

I'm sure. I want to start sending you some of the reels that come up on my my literally last night, this morning, um looking through Instagram and it was like, this is how you get the air out of a tent when you're trying to roll it up. And I was like, Oh, Verity needs to see this.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

Don't send me any Instagram reels, love. I'm not on it, I'm not on social media anymore.

SPEAKER_03 14:13

I know, I know. Yeah. It just made me laugh. Of like, I was like, that is so not how you get the air out of a tent, but it makes for a funny video.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

Oh, it'll be the way I do it, you can guarantee it. I mean, we are not gonna be good at this, let's face it. You know, we're both gonna be like complete Muppets begging other experienced campers to help the newbies who just thought that we'd do this for fun. Let's come in my head with people on the campsite.

SPEAKER_03 14:41

It's the 2027 version of carry on camping.

SPEAKER_01 14:46

Yeah, it will be, absolutely. But I'm gonna do it, I'm determined. So that's my update. So we've decided we are gonna go ahead, despite my 13-year-old's protest. Um, we are gonna go, but we're gonna start it next year. So we're probably gonna buy the camp. Uh we're not gonna buy the camp, we're gonna buy the tent, probably about November time when it's well out season. Okay. So maybe we might get a little bit of a discount.

SPEAKER_03 15:10

Maybe.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

We'll see.

SPEAKER_03 15:13

Oh, this is this is just gonna become like a recurring theme of Verity Gone Wild as to whether or not she's actually gone out into the wild to go get a tent.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Yeah. So we can pause the story for a minute because it's not gonna happen like soon, but we will pick it up again next spring. Easter is the aim.

SPEAKER_03 15:32

Next next spring Easter. Okay, yeah. That's that's I I am looking forward to this.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

Good. I don't even mind if it's raining, I like camping in the rain. I love waking up to the sound of rain on the tent.

SPEAKER_03 15:45

Rain on canvas, yeah. Yeah, there is there are just some sounds that are just pure joy.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 15:52

And the smell of the rain when you're in the middle of nowhere is just yeah, lush.

SPEAKER_01 15:57

What I haven't accounted for, you know, when I think back to my love of camping when I was younger, is that I am now menopausal. Every bone in my body hurts, and camping might not be the best solution for that. Um, so I'm not really considering what the impact of this is gonna have on my very old body, but we're gonna give it a go anyway.

SPEAKER_03 16:17

And that's why I suggested you to the camp bed the other week.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

Because you know, I am going round to that thought process if I'm honest, on the basis that I tried to talk Isabella on it, on the basis that I would get her a proper camp bed. Um, and I thought, well, if she's having a proper camp bed, I'm gonna have a proper camp bed. Yeah. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:36

And you can get double ones as well for you and Paul. So you're not.

SPEAKER_01 16:39

I don't want to share my camp bed. But I'll keep me and Paul on it. There's no way it would like sustain that weight. Although we are both losing weight at the minute, so you know you never know by next time I will be alright. Yeah. Anyway, should we crack on?

SPEAKER_03 16:59

Should we I was gonna say, should we uh bring this round to what we're talking about today? Because actually I think that that introduction, that uh build-up is gonna be quite apt for what we're talking about today, don't you?

SPEAKER_00 17:10

Yeah, it could be. It could be.

SPEAKER_03 17:13

Because we're most very busy people.

SPEAKER_01 17:15

We are very busy. I'm so tired, we're very busy. Well they're cuddling coffee cups at the time. I am just I am I'm literally I cuddling my coffee cup right now. It's very early on a Monday morning. This is before work starts. This is like whose idea was this? It was insane.

SPEAKER_02 17:33

Uh that would be mine.

SPEAKER_03 17:35

Yeah, yeah, that would be us. So today we're talking about the difference between being busy and being brave. Which sounds a bit of a curious title, I think.

SPEAKER_01 17:46

For it does. Even even we thought it was a bit of a curious title. Are we celebrating today, by the way? Or was it next week? Next week, yeah. Okay, all right, I'll share. This is episode 25. Okay, cool. We're giving it away now. Yes, um, yeah, we saw that title and we were like, does that make sense? And then we realize what we're gonna talk about, and it's like, oh yeah, that does make sense. The difference between being busy and being brave. So again, we're gonna take it from two viewpoints, aren't we?

SPEAKER_03 18:13

Yep, yep. Always well, it'd be really strange if we both had the same viewpoint, I think. But I think we just have different experiences when it comes to this because you know, everybody always says to me the fact that I'm so busy, I'm so busy. I mean, I show people my calendar, um, and I literally did it last week. I was at an event, and uh the guy that was running it um a business coach, and he was like, Oh, you know, I recommend that you put everything in your calendar. You literally highlight like when you're gonna go to the gym, when you're gonna have lunch, when you're gonna have breakfast, when you're gonna have an evening meal, so that like everything, so you can really be really strict. And I was I sat there and was like, Yeah, I tried that once and it just doesn't work for my kind of brain.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

I was gonna say is you have a met an ADHD person, that's not gonna work.

SPEAKER_03 18:58

Schedule everything. I'm like, no, because then it will want me to eat when I'm not hungry, or you know, I'll get a reminder of it's lunchtime, and I'm like, Yeah, but I had breakfast like an hour ago, it's fine, yeah. Um, but then you know, somebody who sat next to me who knows what my schedule is like was like, Yeah, I don't think you can fit any more into your diary, Flick. And somebody the other side who'd just met me was like, Well, what do you mean? So I just pulled up my calendar and I showed her on my phone, and she's like, Oh my god, that scares me. I'm like, I'm just a very busy person, but that doesn't mean that I'm hiding in my busyness.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

No, you just like to be really busy.

SPEAKER_03 19:35

You don't like to sit still.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

No, we're so opposite. I like to sit still a lot.

unknown 19:45

I do.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

Um, but you're right, you know, there is a difference between being genuinely busy doing things that you really Oh I know.

SPEAKER_03 19:52

It's like I'm gonna try and put my video back on and see if it works. If it glitches again, I'll do my video. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

Don't apologize. Um, no, there is there is like it this came up in conversation a lot over the years, and people would say that they're really busy, and time management as well that comes into it a little bit because it's when you actually drill down to how much time you're actually spending doing productive things when you're busy, yeah, it is actually nowhere near what you think it is. So there's a difference between being busy, productive, busy, and being busy because you're avoiding whether you realize it or not.

SPEAKER_04 20:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:31

And most of the time you don't realise it, you know, that procrastination kicks in and we don't know, it's not even procrastination, actually. I don't even think that is relevant here because we're genuinely busy, but it's making ourselves busy doing things that aren't very important.

SPEAKER_00 20:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:45

And it's it's high, like I say, hiding in the busyness. Um, so putting things off because you're like, oh, well, well, I'm just super busy with with writing my blogs at the moment or recording a podcast. And I'm like, I'm just super busy that I can't take the next step in my business, or I'll I'll do that when when things calm down. And I've heard people say this, it's like, oh, I'm just super busy at the moment. I want to get around to that when things calm down. And I'm like, but if you're hiding in that distraction, yeah, things are. No, you have to, you know, step out of that, be afraid, be you know, yeah. What's the phrase that we said, you know, a few weeks ago, feel the fear and do it anyway.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

Yeah, the problem is that most of the time we don't know we're hiding. We don't know that we're creating this busyness because we're avoiding something. And avoiding something could be like real kind of your real area where it's visibility or creating that content and putting yourself out on social media or that marketing or making that next business decision or you know, looking at your finances. We put it off and we don't really realize why. We think it's like one of those tasks that we just don't like to. Do but actually that there is a real fear behind it, and again, that that kind of comes into your nervous system. And is your nervous system protecting you? I said something the other day, it really, really impacted me, and I said it, so I don't know why it impacted me as much as it did. But I really it was almost like hearing my own voice, hearing my own words kicked in, and I thought, oh, that makes total sense. Your nervous system is not there to make you happy, your nervous system is there to protect you.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:28

So when something, whether you and remember, I don't know whether I've said it before, but whereas you've got your hippocampus in your brain is responsible for all your memories and everything you remember, but obviously it can't hold that much information. You've only got certain memories in there. Whereas your nervous system hangs on to everything, every single experience you've ever had in life, it remembers it all. So I said it before: if you walk into a room and you suddenly feel nervous and you don't know why, that's your nervous system recognizing those cues. It's recognizing that situation that was similar in the past, somewhere down the line, where it wasn't a great experience. And it's stopping you and it's saying, I don't want to do that, so I'm gonna distract you. So I'm gonna make your belly all funny and I'm gonna make your heart rate go, because that's a distraction from what's actually happening in the room. And that is what's happening when you're creating busyness, but you know, in your heart, if you really looked at it, you would realize that you're not being productive, you are really stepping away from something that you should be doing. That is your nervous system saying to you, I don't like this because this scares me, I don't want to be visible, I don't want to take the next step because that's a risk. So we're just gonna be really busy doing this, and I'm gonna distract you like crazy, so then you don't do it. And half the time we don't even know we're doing it.

SPEAKER_03 23:47

And that that's the thing, isn't it? You know, when people say to me about, I'm just I'm too busy to post on social media, and I'm like, Do you do you have five minutes? Do you have five minutes a day? Because that's that's all you know, it doesn't have to be war and peace to write a post to grab a quit selfie. And they're like, I'm like, genuinely, if you if you mapped out your day finding five minutes, they're like, Yeah, but I have to post at optimal times. I'm like, who says you have to post at optimal times?

SPEAKER_01 24:13

Yeah, and it's getting distracted by all the kind of conflicting messages that come out there about social media and businesses, but getting too bogged down with different conflicting advice.

SPEAKER_03 24:25

And that's the thing I was chatting to somebody um last week, and they were saying it was like, oh yeah, but it's the whole, you know, you've got to go on, you've got to engage, you've got to interact, and you've got to do all this before you post and then after you post. So it's not just the five minutes of posts, it's the ten minutes before, and the ten minutes, it's a half an hour, and then and then you've got to go back and check on the comments, blah blah blah blah. And she's she was just overwhelming herself with all of the tasks that it was. And I just sat there and went, but the post that flops the hardest is the one you don't put out.

SPEAKER_00 24:56

Oh, I like that.

SPEAKER_03 24:57

Yes, all of these little nuancey things are great to increase the reach, to increase the visibility of it, but if you're not posting in the first place, it it's never going to go anywhere. And it and I heard it just land with her, and she, you know, she did that, and she was like, Oh, I've never thought about it like that. I was like, you know, if you walked into a room and you could only speak to six people, would you would you make the most of that? And she went, Yes. I'm like, so if your post is only seen by six people, make the most of it. Make sure that those six really understand who you are, what you're about, what you're doing. It's it's not about playing the game and doing all of the tricks all at once, it's about you know being brave, doing it anyway, stepping out of that comfort zone and starting. It's not about perfection. Perfectionism doesn't exist anyway, but you know, it is about uh taking that one step. That first step is always you know, they say the fact the first step is the hardest, it's the most difficult, and it is genuinely, but you don't start a marathon by going through the line at the end, you know, the the yeah, getting the medal. You start the marathon by taking that first step.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

Yeah, absolutely. And actually, you just reminded me of the I've been um you know that every day now I've started walking on the beach. I start taking I've started taking my dogs to the beach every night because the beach has always been my calm place. So it's that place where we said about archery when you kind of you're in that moment, your brain switches off, that's all that that is in your head. It's like that with the beach. It's like I just go quiet, my brain goes quiet. So I've started walking along the beach with my dogs every night. And Friday night, I had to listen to my body because I was just I would I'd been in class away for the beginning of the week. I'd been stood, it was face to face, so I was stood up, I was doing like 14,000 steps in those two days each. Um, and I've got fibromyalgia, so my body aches, and I had to listen to my body on Friday, and I couldn't go to the beach. So I took them around the kind of estate that I live in, and I was beating myself up about that all the way around. I was like, you should have gone to the beach. This isn't enough steps, you haven't done, um, you haven't walked off the day yet. And I thought, do you know what done is better than nothing? Just it doesn't matter how far I've gone. I've literally left the house. I've gone for a walk. Yes, it's half the walk that I normally do, but it's far better than staying in the house and not doing anything at all.

SPEAKER_03 27:24

Yeah, absolutely. And that's that's where it comes with that's what I tell my clients. You know, it's what I tell my scouts, it's like doing something. And this is one of the messages Atomicon that they kind of tend into a whole sketch of you know, doing something is better than doing nothing, but doing something without purpose isn't better than doing nothing, you know, if you're holding yourself. I they had this whole spiel, and I can't rem recall it off the top of my head anymore. So if any of our listeners are listening and they can remember that speech and they were at Atomic Con, by all means please drop a comment in our Facebook and um Instagram posts.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

But that's relevant though. That is relevant because and that's the excuse, isn't it? Because it's like, well, I need to do something. So you've got the doing something is better than doing nothing in your head. So you'll go and create work around admin, or you'll go and create work uh around anything other than the task that is actually going to be driving your business forward.

SPEAKER_03 28:24

Yeah. And also, I mean, I I've done this recently was I wasn't doing certain things that I wanted to do within my business because other people were doing it. And it was like, well, well, I'll get busy and I'll I'll do something else. I'll do something else that they're not doing. And all I got in my head was this nagging voice saying the fact that but I really want to do that, I really want to do that, but they're doing it. But you know, and it's the comparison is the thief of joy, and it's like I I sat with myself um the other week, and I just kind of went, Do you know what? I'm gonna do it because they're not gonna do it like I am, they're not gonna do it in the way that I will do it, and you know, some people will gravitate towards them in business and others will gravitate towards me, and I'm not gonna deprive my audience and my you know um target market, that's the word I was looking for. Or she can tell it's early in the morning, I can't even think of the word target market, um, of the opportunity to work with me just because somebody else is doing it. Do you know what I mean? Mc McDonald's didn't fat an eyelid when Burger King started up or whichever way around they went, you know, they didn't go, oh well there's already a fast food chain doing burgers and fries.

SPEAKER_01 29:36

Yeah. No, absolutely. And I think I had a really good point then, and I've forgotten it. Hang on, it'll come back to me.

SPEAKER_03 29:48

Doing things with other people to do it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

Yeah, so no, it wasn't it wasn't really to do with that, but it was something you said at the beginning of that. And I used to do um a weekly task, and I brought this into the child tribe at one point, and it was really, really powerful because the one thing you can't do with your nervous system is overwhelm it. And you just said, like that example you gave with that woman is she was overwhelming her nervous system with all these tasks just to create a post on social media. So if you overwhelm your nervous system, it's just gonna hype it up, it's gonna hype up the protection protection mode. So I used to do this thing every week where I'd set out my week. So I'd write my list of what needs to be done. And you could, and I love a to-do list, right? I love the ticking off a to-do list, it really gives me that satisfaction. So I will add to that to-do list as much as I possibly can because even if I've forgotten to put it on my to-do list, I'll add it once I've done the task just so I can take it off. So I will create task after task after task so I can take those off. But of course, I'm creating tasks that aren't really gonna drive my business forward. So instead of overwhelming my nervous system, what I used to do is write my daily lists and I could do all my admin and I could do all the stuff that I felt was productive, even though deep down I knew it wasn't particularly productive. But I would put on that list one task every single day that was actually gonna drive my business forward. One task that was going to drive my business forward. And I did it every day. So I didn't feel overwhelmed. I still got to do all the tasks that, you know, I really enjoy doing, but I did them because I was procrastinating about all the things that I should do. But there was one thing that I had to do every day, whether that was putting a post on social media, picking up the phone, following up an inquiry, um, chasing a quote that I've done, whatever it was, there was one task every day that I didn't like. It made me feel uncomfortable, but it was going to drive my business forward. So I had one moment in my day where I was really productive. And when you start doing that, your nervous system starts to get because bear in mind your nervous system is repetitive behavior. It gets used to repetitive behavior. So when you do one thing and it didn't feel so bad, it will feel better about you doing it next time. You're training your nervous system.

SPEAKER_02 32:00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:01

So the more you do it, the more you start to create two things every day that you're gonna drive your business forward. Then eventually you go into three, and suddenly you don't feel quite so overwhelmed anymore. It could be six months at one task a day, and that's okay because you're doing five tasks a week that are gonna drive your business forward. But don't overwhelm yourself. It doesn't have to be, you know, constant. You are literally, you're literally, I said this the other week, you're literally saying to your nervous system, I know what you're trying to do, I get it, and I really appreciate it, but I'm okay. I've got this. We're okay. Yeah, yeah. So it's just training it that, all right, this makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable, but I'm gonna do it because I know that this is one thing that when I leave my office today, or when I finish work for today, I'm gonna be so proud of myself because I did step out my comfort zone a little bit. I did do that one task just to drive my business forward. And your nervous system is gonna do a little happy dance with that because you've overcome that fear. So just one task a day. That's that's all you need to start with.

SPEAKER_03 33:05

And that that's something that um, you know, you're saying that about the the little um, you know, the little tasks that you can do that have slowly build up that momentum that allow your nervous system to. That was a a workshop that I ran um a couple of months ago. Um, when I I listened to some of my clients and listened to what people were saying about being visible, being visible on social media, and they were like, oh, but I you know, I just don't have the time, I just don't have the and it was like, right, okay, let's break that down, let's find out where that comes from. And it came back to a lot of people actually are uncomfortable with seeing themselves.

SPEAKER_00 33:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:39

And I'm like, but if you're uncomfortable with seeing yourself, but you love seeing other people, that's what other people want to see from you. So you have to get comfortable with seeing yourself, you have to get comfortable with that, and they're like, Yeah, but how do I do that? And I'm like, it's little and often, it's little steps every day that can build up that this is okay, it's okay to see our face because you know we are instinctual creatures as animals. Um we don't see ourselves, you know. Animals don't look in the mirror every day, so you know, we don't look in the mirror. We we might look in the mirror every day to do a hair and makeup or whatever it is, but actually, we still have that animal instinct of this is a weird thing for me to see myself, you know. Yeah, um, and people can hide behind, oh yeah, but I need to learn how to how to do a proper selfie, how to create a perfect image. They hide behind those busy tasks, and it's like it's just no feel the fear and do it anyway. Take a photo, take a video, take a take a selfie, put it out there, see what the reaction is. Because most people won't see your your selfie and think the same thing that you think about yourself.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

No, you'll never, nobody out there. We used to say that all the time, didn't we? Your perception is very different to the world's perception of you. You've got a very we're so hard on ourselves as as human beings, our perception of ourselves is always very different. We don't like the way we sound you we did it before this podcast. I listened to this podcast and realized that I sound really nasally. That was you, and I'm like, no, I sound terrible. You've got the perfect podcast voice. I listen to you and feel really jealous about how natural your voice is on this podcast. We do not see or hear ourselves the same. We just don't, do we? It's your perception is very different to how the world sees you. That was always a bit of a light bulb moment when I was in the classroom with social media.

SPEAKER_03 35:32

Yeah, well, that's the thing this workshop I ran, and I literally had to set them a task. In fact, they had to take four selfies, one from the sort of you know, the the the horrible angle sort of down from below the chin, you know, up above, left and right. And I was just setting them this task, I didn't say anything to anybody, and there were little voices that I could just hear in this room because there's a room about 30 people, and as they're taking their selfies, they're going, you know, oh my god, my my chin, my my double chin is horrific, and oh, I've got um short arms and things like that. And I was just then pointed out to those people, and I said, right, has anybody in this room ever thought about so-and-so, the fact that they've got really short arms? Nobody had, nobody'd ever noticed. And even when she tried to point it out about that, look how short my arms are. Um it was, you know, yeah. I I was like, that's what you're hiding behind in this busyness that you've created. You just step out of that comfort zone. And we say this all the time, don't we? You know, step out of the comfort zone. The magic doesn't happen in the comfort zone.

SPEAKER_01 36:34

But what we don't say all the time is the fact that your nervous system is keeping you there because it's literally comfortable, it feels safe. Your nervous system's job is to make you safe, but you've got to kind of you've just got to have that conversation and say, I'm okay, let me just do this, let me let me just see how this feels once. Yeah, and I think that's what I'm sorry, I was just gonna say, have you noticed since we've kind of taken this route where you know I talk about the nervous system side of it and you talk about the business that I'm so much calmer? I am talking about this, this is my bread and butter, and it's just like it just makes me calm.

SPEAKER_03 37:07

Yeah, I think for me it's asking the question when you're in this moment of going, Oh, I'm so super busy, I'll I'll get around to that one. I'm it's like, what if the thing that's keeping you stuck that's holding you back isn't a lack of time, it's just a lack of bravery, it's a lack of being able to step out of that comfort zone.

SPEAKER_01 37:26

It reminds me actually, I said over the weekend um to Paul, I I've got this real thing, something stuck with me a long time ago, and I can't get it out of my head, especially I'm very aware of my age and very aware of Paul's age because he's going into teaching, he's he's literally 50 in a couple of weeks, and that's when he's chosen to go into teaching. So, we were talking about like his span, his his like lifespan on teaching and what he's gonna do, because he said, I don't want to be stood in the classroom when I'm 65. And I'm like, that's no time at all at this career, so we have to have a backup plan. So very aware of age, and we were talking about like money and going through things, and I said, The thing is, babe, so many people plan their life based on retirement. And then how many times do we hear one person died early on into retirement? We're waiting too long to live our lives, we can't do that anymore. And I said, I want to live now before we retire. When we retire, we can do what we like, but right now is when we should be experiencing things. We're here, we're young enough to experience things, and even saying it made me feel really nervous because there are risks involved in that, because it's like, oh, we want to save for our retirement, but actually we're talking about spending that money while we're here and living it. So, and it does make you feel really uncomfortable, but you you've got to just put in things off. The day will never come, it won't ever come. You will always find a reason to put things off. Yeah, and we have to stop that. We're here once, whether it's work, business, or your personal life, we've got to live now.

unknown 38:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:57

That's very metaphorical, no, wrong word, very deep.

SPEAKER_03 39:01

Um, I think the the thing that really stuck with me, probably why I am so busy, is there's a there's a couple of things, there's an image and there's a phrase, and there's a there's a phrase that um stuck with me of either do you want to arrive really serenely at wherever you end up? And it was it was like a Christian thing, so it was like at the pearly gates for St. Peter, and you kind of like arrive walking really slowly, like you're walking down the aisle of like, ah, I've arrived. I'm like, I want to be skidding on sideways, going, Wow, what a rush! That was wicked. What can I do next? Yeah, like that is that that stuck with me. And then, you know, a few years ago, you know, I went to far too many funerals than a person should go to in one year. Yeah. And I literally, you know, there were some funerals where it was packed, it was standing room only, we were spilling out into the, you know, into the car park of the the crematorium sort of thing. And it's like, and then there were other funerals that I've been to where there was like five or six people in attendance, and I just looked at those two conflicting images and went, I don't want to have the five or six people at my I want to know the fact that I have I've yeah had an impact on that many people that it is standing room only that people are fighting in the seats to get into my funeral.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

Um can't impact if you don't do it, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:16

And so the the the whole keeping busy, it's like, no, I'm I'm keeping active, but I'm still pushing things forward, I'm still pushing myself out of my comfort zone, I'm still doing things, going like, oh, I'm not sure if this is gonna work for me, but I'm gonna do it anyway. And if I fail, it's a first attempt in learning, right?

SPEAKER_01 40:32

Absolutely. And you said something really r relevant at the beginning of this podcast. You said, you know, you're depriving your target audience, and I think that that was really um that was a key message when we were doing what you do, because it was you might not, and it is about perceptions again. Maybe you don't like lots of people used to say, but I I haven't got anything interesting to say. We're so many people say that your kind of thought process on what is interesting is very different to other people, but actually, what you're doing is depriving your audience from that those nuggets of information and your life, and you are depriving your audience if you don't go out there with that message. Yes, that was always quite powerful for me. Should we do words of wisdom?

SPEAKER_03 41:16

Yes, what are your Wednesday wild words of wisdom?

SPEAKER_01 41:19

My Wednesday wild words of wisdom would be going back to that kind of don't overwhelm yourself, you don't need to overwhelm yourself, but you do need to move forward. So if you're sat there with those busy, busy tasks all the time, really ask yourself am I being productive? Am I doing this for the right reasons? And if you're genuinely not, and if you're honest with yourself, you will know that you're not. Just write one task a day, just start one task a day, one thing that you can do to move your business forward, and then eat that frog for breakfast is not come in. Eat the brawl for breakfast, just get it done because you'll start your day on such a high because once you've done it, you're saying to your nervous system, it's okay, the world didn't end, it was great, it was fine. Start with one task a day and then you know, slowly increase it as you go along.

SPEAKER_03 42:05

Yeah, I I I don't think I can top that. I was gonna say something along the lines of take that first step. You just it just one step at a time. You don't have to leap, you don't have to fly just one step to go forward.

SPEAKER_00 42:19

Yeah. Good advice today, I think. Yeah, yeah, I do. All right then.

SPEAKER_03 42:28

We will uh see you next time, folks.

SPEAKER_00 42:29

Yeah, see you next time. Thanks for listening.

SPEAKER_02 42:36

Thanks for spending this time with us on Wildly Intentional. If this episode sparks something for you, take it with you and act on it. Don't forget to subscribe, share, and come and say hello online. And remember, bold talk leads to big breakthroughs and no apologies.